


How to Train Your Werewolf

by FicwriterJet



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Gen, Non-Consensual Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-13 01:48:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2132544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FicwriterJet/pseuds/FicwriterJet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles tries a little experiment on Derek without the werewolf's knowledge. It backfires.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Train Your Werewolf

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place directly after Season 2 Episode 2, and has spoilers for the episode. It’s crack – not meant to be taken seriously.   
> Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters, and I’m not making any money from this story.  
> Warning: Non-consensual disciplinary spanking of a teen by a werewolf.

It had all stared innocently enough. After helping Derek to break Isaac out of jail, Stiles had decided it would be prudent to find out everything there was to know about Alphas. One roar from Derek had made Isaac cower and change back to human form. Stiles needed to know if that was truly due to Derek being the Alpha, or if most of it was due to Isaac being abused for years. Because if Derek could do that simply because he was the Alpha, Scott would end up becoming part of Derek’s pack, like it or not.

When Stiles finally got home that night, after a massively long lecture from his father about checking in at the front desk, he got on the internet and Googled Alpha. The sites that popped up all had to do with dogs, making Stiles laugh at his own mistake. As he was about to type in Werewolf Alpha, his eyes lingered on one of the links that had popped up, _Dog Training_.

Stiles knew that following links was a dangerous hobby for him with his ADHD. He often spent hours following links without ever actually getting the information he’d gotten on the internet to find. But his sleep addled brain decided this link could be useful. The more he read, the more excited he became, and he printed out several pages.

After scribbling a bunch of notes on the pages he’d printed, Stiles finally climbed into bed, four hours before he had to get up for school the next day.

The next day after school, Derek showed up in his Camaro again and told Scott and Stiles to get in. He took them to his new temporary lodging where Isaac was waiting for them. Once they were all together, Derek said, "We have a few of problems, and we all need to work together to solve them."

"Is this like a pack meeting?" Stiles said with a grin. "That I’m a part of?"

"No," Derek said with a scowl, and focused back on Scott. "The first problem is that thing you saw last night. Tell us about it."

After Scott described it, Isaac looked to Derek and said, "What is it?"

"I have no idea." Derek turned to Scott, "Ask your boss about it. See if he has any ideas." He turned to Stiles and said, "Do some internet research, and see what you can find."

"So I’m not part of this pack meeting that we’re not having, but I still have to do research for you?"

Derek grabbed a fist full of Stile’s shirt, and slammed him against the nearest wall.

Stiles let out a full volume holler, startling all of the werewolves, and causing Derek to let go and take a step back. With serious concern, Derek said, "Are you injured?"

Stiles rubbed at his back and said, "No man, I’m just human. I bruise easy, and I don’t heal up right away like you guys. Maybe you could not be so rough."

Derek straightened the boy’s shirt, and muttered, "I didn’t mean to hurt you, but you’ve got to take this seriously. You get that right? This is life and death. I don’t know what that thing is, and I need you to help me figure it out."

Amazed, Stiles smiled, and said, "You’re totally right. I’m all over it. Research is my friend."

"Good. The next problem is Isaac. He’s being charged with his father’s murder."

"Do we know who actually did it?" Scott asked.

"No," Derek said.

"Could it be that thing Scott saw?" Stiles asked.

"Yes, or it could have been the Omega that we saw, and that brings me to the third problem. The hunters."

"Jeez, how many problems are there? Maybe you should write a list."

Derek grabbed Stiles’ shirt in a fist, but instead of slamming him against something, he pulled the teen close. When they were almost nose to nose, Derek said, "What did I just tell you about taking things seriously."

"Okay, okay!" Stiles said. "I’m sorry. I am taking it all seriously, It’s just scary stuff, and when things get scary, I have trouble keeping quiet. Sarcasm is my go to defense mechanism." Stiles reached in his pocket and grabbed a little bag of beef jerky. "Peace offering?" he said, and held it out to Derek.

With a frustrated grunt, Derek ignored the peace offering, let the boy go, and started talking about his plans for getting Isaac off the hook for murder.

That night when Stiles got home, he made notes on the pages he’d printed the night before, and then spent the rest of the evening in a futile attempt to research the creature he hadn’t even seen.

# # #

The following day Stiles found he was a little disappointed when no Camaro came to pick them up after school. He’d wanted to try something, but he quickly shrugged it off, and drove Scott home before going home himself. He went to his room, but stopped short when he saw Derek Hale sitting on his desk chair in the middle of his bedroom. That was a little odd. Derek wasn’t a fugitive right now, so there was no reason to sneak in, and it wasn’t like him to sit and wait. He was much more likely to skulk in the shadows.

Stiles checked behind him, even though he knew his father wasn’t home, before going in and shutting the bedroom door. He dumped his backpack on the floor and said, "Hey Derek, what’s up?"

Derek remained seated, and held up some papers for Stiles to see.

Stiles thought maybe he was going to be sick, or pass out, or maybe both at once. "Oh… Um… That… That’s a funny story."

Derek’s eyes flashed red, shutting Stiles up. The Alpha cleared his throat, looked at the paper and read, "When training your puppy…" He looked up at Stiles and said, "Except puppy is crossed out, and werewolf is written on top of that."

Stiles’ face turned red, and his mouth opened a closed a couple of times.

Derek went back to reading, "When training your werewolf not to bite, say ‘Ow’ loudly every time you’re bitten to teach them that it hurts. When the puppy…" Derek glared at Stiles again, and amended that, "When the werewolf plays nice, be sure to reward him with praise and a treat."

Stiles almost pissed himself with fear. He cleared his throat and choked out, "Derek, I…"

Derek sat back and crossed his arms. He said, "This morning when I found this, I honestly felt like disemboweling you. But I’ve had time to calm down, and to do some research of my own." He leaned forward again, shuffled the papers in his hand, and put a new one at the top. He held it out to Stiles and said, "I want you to read the highlighted area to me."

With a shaking hand, Stiles got just close enough to snatch the paper, and then took a big step away from the large Alpha. His face turned an even brighter shade of red when he saw the words ‘child rearing’ at the top. The word ‘child’ had been crossed out and the word ‘human’ had been hastily scribbled above it.

When his eyes got to the highlighted area, Stiles gulped, and stepped further away, until his back was pressed up against his bedroom wall. His eyes met Derek’s and he whispered, "You can’t."

"Read!" Derek growled.

Stiles visibly jumped, and looked back down at the words. He mumbled and stumbled over several of the words, but eventually he got it all out. "While spanking is not recommended by modern day psychologists, many parents believe that the occasional use of a physical punishment is a valid tool to be used when raising their children. According to the proponents of spanking, when all other methods of punishment have been exhausted, and the child is still misbehaving, a quick trip over the knee can be very effective when the parent remains calm and explains why the behavior was wrong."

"Uh, uh, uh." Derek said holding up a finger. "Does it say when the _parent_ remains calm?"

Stiles knuckles turned white as he held onto the paper. He whispered to the floor, "You crossed it out and wrote werewolf."

Derek sat up straight and said, "Come here."

Stiles shook his head. "Oh my God! Haven’t you heard that spanking is traumatic and ineffective! Everyone knows you’re not supposed spank kids anymore! It may have been wrong of me to experiment on you using methods for training puppies, but it’s not like I hit you with a rolled up newspaper or squirted water in your face!"

Derek growled, pushed himself up, and stalked over to Stiles.

Stiles tried to make a run for it, but knew it was futile. Derek grabbed the teen’s upper arm, and without being particularly rough, pulled him over towards the desk chair.

"Derek, please. I’m begging you, man. Please don’t do this."

Derek sat down, tossed Stiles across his lap, and anchored him in place with an arm around his waist.

"Crap," Stiles whimpered, and put both his hands on the ground in front of him.

"If I hear any kind of manipulative bellowing coming out of your mouth, this will get worse."

"Worse?" the boy squeaked. "How could it possibly get worse?"

"You could lose the pants." Derek brought his hand down on the seat of Stiles’ jeans. The dull _thwap_ made the teen hiss, but nothing more. Derek kept spanking with that same level of force and muttered, "Lets see how long it takes to get a genuine holler."

"Ow." Stiles whined. "Derek, come on! I’m sorry okay? Really."

Derek kept quiet and started spanking a little harder.

Several seconds later, Stiles couldn’t take it anymore. "Ow! Ah! I said I was sorry!" Getting frustrated, Stiles yelled, "Are you pissed that I manipulated you, or are you pissed that it worked?"

Derek glared at the boy, and slapped him much harder.

"Aaah!"

"Now that’s a genuine yelp." Derek said.

Stiles felt his eyes start to water. He begged, "Please Derek. I’m sorry."

Derek kept smacking hard and said, "You need to stop focusing on trying to manipulate me, and work on helping me. I’m trying to keep everyone _alive_."

"Ah! Okay! I will! I swear!"

Derek sniffed the air. _Tears._ Frowning he yanked the boy up, grabbed a fist full of his shirt and said, "Are you _crying_?"

"No?" Stiles said, wiping at his face.

Derek scowled and muttered, "Damn it."

"I’m sorry okay, but like I said, I’m _human_ , and you’re really strong."

Sighing, Derek stood up, and put a hand on Stiles’ shoulder. "No more experiments. I’m the Alpha and you need to show me a little more respect. Got it?"

"Oh yeah, loud and clear. Never gonna need a repeat of that lesson ever again."

Starting to feel guilty, Derek said, "I want Scott in my pack, and even if I don’t always like it, I do understand that you’re a package deal."

"Uh… Thanks?" Stiles said.

Derek patted his shoulder and said, "Good, I’m glad we understand each other. Now tell me what you found on that creature."

Stiles showed Derek what little information he’d found, and the two talked about what the creature could be, until they heard the Sheriff’s car pulling into the driveway. Derek quickly made his way out the window, and Stiles flopped down face first onto his bed. He’d come to the conclusion that werewolf training was simply an impossible task.

The End


End file.
